Down the Rabbit Hole
by Adrienner-94
Summary: Here we see Bella, a girl struggling with her identity. Trying to understand just who she is. Who she wants to be. In trying to figure everything out she goes down a very, very dark path. Here we will follow her and try to become her own person. She will fail and she will hurt until she falls down the rabbit hole. Who will be there to bail her out? Cannon couples.
1. Chapter 1

**Man its been awhile you guys. I can't believe how long its been since I even decided to sit down and write let alone write this story. This story is so personal and raw that I really hope you guys like it. In some ways it will tell you where I've been for so long. In other ways it will show you guys a side of me that you didn't even know existed.**

 **Right about the story. Here we meet Bella a troubled college student telling us her story. This is all playing out in her mind for the beginning and the descriptions of the characters won't come until we've fallen down the rabbit hole.**

 **Now about this story it is about sex and drugs for the beginning. Then we get to a place that isn't anywhere near as bad. We end up finding love. Yeah I know crazy right. From a black hole to hope.**

 **Now this story is personal to me like I've said above yet there is one thing I need to say some of this is going to be different from what actually happened and some of it is completely real. At the end of each chapter I will let you know if it is basically real or a fragment of my imagination.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the series however this story is mine and the descriptions and any tattoos mentioned I came up with.**

 **Chapter 1: The Beginning of The End**

We begin by meeting a guy at a local bar the week before Halloween. He's cute and sweet… So I believe at first.

We are sitting and talking in the back of the bar. We talk about everything and anything. He finally gets around to asking me about my tattoos. I have 2 visible yet I have four in total but I want more hell I think I want a sleeve. I want so many more. He sees the arrow on my wrist and asks me about why I have that considering it is a pretty basic white girl tattoo. Yet mine has meaning. You see my grandfather was always called a straight arrow and well when he passed away I decided it was the best representation of him. Yeah so its on my wrist and I wear it proudly. Hell I wear all of my tattoos proudly. I love them all.

James has no tattoos I learn. He just wants them although he did tell me about a time where he almost got one as a joke with his friend.

They wanted it to say Ride or Die. Great choice.

To me tattoos are not jokes they are chapters in my life story. Now in some cases people might think that they are just fandom tattoos but in my case they aren't.

So lets go through them. My very first tattoo says "I'm never changing who I am" this one means that no matter what people say or do to you keep true to yourself. Now that might be hard at times but its the way I believe that I should live. It's also from my favourite Imagine Dragons song It's Time. I got it mainly to piss my mother off. It worked on the up side. On the down side I don't really talk to her anymore. Well I mean I'm okay with that since I am a total daddy's girl.

Second was my tattoo on my ribs saying dreams do come true. This is my ode to Disney I love disney the magic and wishes that can happen are incredible. Also it reminds me that one day I can get to what I really want in life. Once I figure that one out. I'm not quite there yet. I'm working on it but honestly I haven't reached my goal.

Third is the one I have on my back. Its the symbol of the Deathly Hallows from Harry Potter. Yep here is the fandom tattoo. Now this one represents what I love about Harry Potter. The triangle being the invisibility cloak. This to me means that in some cases you might not see me there but I there is always a chance that I am watching, caring, and loving. You just might not know it. Next the resurrection stone always letting you know that those you love whom might not be in this world anymore are still there with you. Finally the Elder Wand. This to me means great power. I know no long explanation just great power.

And well you've already heard about the last one and it's meaning so lets go back to this story.

I gave James a run down version of this story and well he wasn't exactly pleased after that considering I basically shut him down for his funny drunken story of how he thought it would be funny to get a tattoo wasted. Yet we move past that and start making out. Yeah everything leads to a make out session and a hand slowly rising up my shirt.

Man this is predictable. I'm completely into it though. I want him. Well I think I do.

I won't sleep with him though. That I'm sure of. I don't wanna be known as a slut. Another notch in his bed post is not who I want to be.

I want to be in control.

Yet that doesn't stop my roommate Tanya and I from inviting him to the after party for when the bar closes. I mean we all wanna party still, and we have an empty house thats just waiting for us to have a little fun.

We play drinking games Kings Cup and beer pong, make out on the couch, have an annoying drunk girl bother us because she really needs more attention, before I finally take him up to my room. Yeah my room. I probably shouldn't have done that with a whole party happening downstairs.

We don't have sex or anything at this point. We fool around me with my shirt ending up somewhere in my room before I say no to going any further and then we eventually begin to fall asleep.

That is until someone decides to knock on my bedroom door till we both wake up. As it turns out the girl who was drunk and bothering us decided to puke all over the upstairs. Starting in my roommates room, where we had put her to bed and ending in our bathroom. Side note she somehow got soaking wet yet no one heard the shower running.

How does this even happen.

Annoyed we eventually get her back into bed, and she actually falls asleep with a puke bucket beside her and a glass of water on the night stand.

Man was Katie drunk as hell. I mean coming from the girl who says I can hold my booze all night I expected a little more. Yet she did only drink whisky so that might be her problem, but she did say that was all she drank. I don't even know anymore.

Needless to say I'm not doing that one again. No thank you to the whole babysitter thing. I don't expect people to do that for me so why should I do that for her? Shit that was shallow. I mean she was really drunk but man sometimes you just need to know your limit. I did. I stopped drinking when I hit my wall.

Before going back up to bed James and I go outside to smoke one last cigarette and while doing this I somehow end up against the side of the house with my shirt basically off. Yeah classy I know. This is where James really gets to see whats happening under my shirt. I mean he felt my boobs before but now he gets to actually see in some light that I have both of my nipples pierced. Yep I do and I am so happy I have them.

Getting them done was painful as hell for about a day then it was totally worth it for every day after that. I mean you are always ready to go with them and honestly any time a guy plays with them it is heaven! I love them so much.

Right enough about how much I love my piercings. Back to being pushed up against the house. With my shirt basically off and my legs wrapped around his waist he brings me back inside where thankfully everyone has crashed. Making life that much easier for the rest of us. We go back to my room where we fool around some more.

James gives me the look as if to say are you sure?

I nod at him and he starts taking everything off. First my shirt fully then my bra that is now completely around my waist and finally my pants.

Where he finds I was only wearing pants. I guess bailing on laundry was worth it considering the look in his eyes. I finally get my chance to work on him sufficiently stripping him as fast as I can before I change my mind.

I grab a condom from the bedside table and he plunges right into me.

Man does it feel good. It had been so long and honestly I needed a good fuck. I mean this is basically going to be a one night stand. Or that is my plan.

A week later we hang out again and he brings one of his friends to the house. Now this is where it all gets interesting.

"Hey James how are you?" I open the door to see both James and Laurent standing there one with a bottle of wine and the other with some tequila.

"We are here to get this party going Bell!" James hugs me and walks past right into the kitchen. They make them selves at home cutting up limes and pouring some tequila into glasses.

We all do shot after shot. Just having fun and messing around we decide hey lets carve a pumpkin. Yeah that was a great idea. That is until the mom of the house comes home. Mrs. Denali comes home. She freaks on us and the boys leave. Naturally we get really pissed off and follow them. They end up at the local bar Howl. Its a total dive yet everyone in our area goes there. It's a fun place to be most nights but tonight on a thursday its a total bust. Yet it doesn't stop us from sitting and drinking.

That is until James and Laurent decide to bail on us. Well bail isn't the right word. They leave without saying a word. We call them, no answer. My roommate Tanya calls, no answer. Great so we decide to go against Tanya's mother and what we were supposed to do only to be ditched in the worst way. They don't give us a warning saying hey we are going to do blah blah blah.

 **Okay chapter 1 is over everyone.**

 **And if you must know this one actually happened. I know gross right some girl threw up all over the house. She wasn't really a friend though more of an annoying tag along.**

 **Yeah I know that is probably really mean to say but if you had met this girl you would get it. I mean shine a flashlight between her ears and you can see to the other side.**

 **I could not handle her then and I can't now.**

 **Anyways hope you guys enjoyed a teaser into what is about to come. The next chapter is going to be a little different less in the mind of Bella and more dialogue.**

 **However that is all for now hope you guys remember me and will leave a little review**

 **It would mean the world to me if you did.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go everyone chapter 2. This one was pretty crazy to write. Well crazy and difficult. But here it is. So read on and please look at the AN after the chapter.**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own these characters however this story line is of my creation**

Chapter 2

I know being ditched might not mean much to most people but to me its a huge deal.

When you say you're going to do something or be somewhere in my mind thats a promise. You need to be there. Otherwise your word then means nothing to me. I hate it when people don't keep their word. It's the worst thing that anyone can do to me.

Meaning when they bailed without a word I was angry. Well not angry but definitely annoyed. Actually angry is probably the best description and after all of the phone calls to both of their phones they don't even have the decency to answer. Really? Come on. Man up and say where the hell you are. Or if you changed your mind. It is truly the only way that I will stop being royally pissed.

Finally my phone rings after another 10 minutes and I answer.

"Hey Bell I'm really sorry we will be back in 20 promise." James says to me.

"Right well I don't know if I will still be here."

"Come on, please baby it will be well worth the wait."

I roll my eye and say, "fine but after 20 minutes I'm gone and so is Tanya."

"I promise you'll love the surprise."

I hang up without a goodbye and order another Tom Collins. Honestly one of the best drinks. So good and I'm not really a gin person but man for some reason I am addicted.

"Ugh they said 20 minutes." I say to Tanya

"What where the hell are they?"

"I don't know James said something about a surprise."

"So we wait for 20 then leave?"

"Yeah thats what I told him."

"Well where else will we go. I mean we can't go home at this point my mom is seriously pissed. She's raping my phone."

"We can figure something out. I'm sure we can go to someones house."

"They better get back here. I want to party."

"They will be."

"I just wonder what they are grabbing."

Surprise they are grabbing something. What could it be though. I have everything I want here. Booze, booze and more booze. I'm a simple girl really. Oooh maybe they will bring back something to eat. I really could use something so soak up some of this alcohol otherwise that business law class I have tomorrow won't be happening.

"All we know is that it is a surprise and by the sounds of it we will like it." I shrug my shoulders.

They show back up with 5 minutes to spare. "Lets get out of here." James whispers in my ear.

"Can I finish my drink first?"

"Yeah just be quick about it."

I sling it back and grab my bag. "Lets go I'm done."

I leave with James in his car and Tanya goes with Laurent and some of their friends. "Are you okay to drive?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I do need something first." He leans over and kisses me. "One more." He leans over and kisses me again.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm perfect now babe."

"Okay." He goes out of the parking lot and follows the other car. I have no clue where we are going other than we are in the neighbourhood where I currently live. I don't recognize the street or the house where we go.

We end up at some guys place. I can't even tell you his name at this point. He is just another nameless face in an entirely fucked up night.

When we get inside we all go directly to the basement with James and I curled up in some chair in the corner.

Thats when it starts. I find out exactly where they had gone.

They went to see a dealer and not your run of the mill pot dealer but coke. I've never been around anything like this before. This is a whole new world for me.

James pulls out a dime baggie of white powder and he grabs the DVD case sitting on the table. He begins to form some lines of coke for everyone.

He passes it to me with a cut off straw and I look at him. "Seriously I've never done this before."

"Come on baby just try it. Its a party favour everyone loves a little nose candy."

I shake my head. "Your loss." Why would I do something that people call nose candy? That just sounds wrong.

I don't care if I'm losing out. I don't do hard drugs. I mean sure I'll smoke a joint, hit a bong, or even smoke a popper every once and a while but coke. Thats a hard pass for me.

Granted I don't care if people do drugs around me. Thats your choice not mine. However people trying to pressure me into doing something I don't want. Thats a problem for me. I do not accept that. You can destroy your body don't ask me to ruin mine.

They have their fun hell Tanya even joins in even though she's been clean for over 3 years. Yeah she has been clean for a while. Where is her head at? God the last time she was consistently on coke she was seriously messed up.

I can't believe this. Doesn't she remember...

I didn't know Tanya back then it was before I met her when I was living back in Forks and not Seattle with her and her mom.

Tanya doesn't remember much of her high school career. At her worst she told me that she needed to do a line just to get out of bed in the morning. In some cases she was even doing lines on her lunch, skipping class to go pick up, and even going as far as to lie to her friends about how much she was buying.

She was messed up. She didn't care. I mean when you decide to do your homework at the kitchen table of a dealers house you have a big big problem.

However this was the old Tanya not the one I met in College. I never knew about this version of her. Hell I've never even witnessed her smoking weed.

Yet give her a line of white powder and she's all over it just like high school.

"Tanya should you really be doing that?"

"What do I care its one little line."

She doesn't say anything else and just goes right for it.

Great now I get so see what my roommate is like on coke. I'm so excited. Yes that is sarcasm that you hear in my voice. I'm sure that tonight has gone from fun , to fucked up, and now just simply out of control.

Why does this have to happen. Why can't she just be a normal person?

I just wanted to have a fun chill night. Now its basically gone to hell. And I can't even take her home. If I bring her back and she's strung out we are completely and totally fucked.

So now I have to find a place to go. Which is exactly what I want to do right now.

"James do you know where we can stay?"

"Not at my place my parents would kill me."

"Well we need to figure something out."

"I don't know what you want me to say but we can't go back to my place. Hell I can't even go home like this."

"Fuck okay. What do we do then?"

"Hotel?"

"Pay for a place to stay in the city that we live in seriously?"

"Well why not?"

"Ugh okay."

"Do you wanna go then?"

"Yeah but call a cab you're not driving."

"Fine."

He gets us a cab and we drive to the local Hilton hotel to grab a room.

The lady at the front desk gives us a hard time but we finally get a room after much fighting. We go up and its a traditional hotel 2 beds and the normal amenities.

James and I take the first bed and immediately start making out. Even though there are other people in the room we don't care and honestly even though he is crazy drugged up he is still super hot. Also he is packing if you know what I'm saying. That boy is hung like a horse.

However Laurent who is here again decides he wants more coke. He pulls out his own dime bag and starts making lines on the dresser.

James of course decides to go grab his. Tanya snorts hers and turns to me.

"Come on just try one. You'll be fine."

"I said no before."

"Don't be a baby."

Tanya grabs my arm and drags me over to the dresser. She hands me the $20 bill that they are using to snort the coke.

"I'm not sure."

"Live a little for once." James says to me.

"I live just fine."

"Seriously just fucking do it already."

"Okay." I say quietly.

I then bend over and well go for it. Fuck I did it. What the hell am I thinking. What is wrong with me? I need help or something.

Damn this feels great. I love this feeling. I don't even know what it is anymore.

What I do know is that James is hot as hell. Man I want him so bad.

"Get out."

"What?" Both Tanya and Laurnet look at me like I'm crazy.

"You heard me out now."

They leave without a second thought.

"What was that all about?"

"I feel awkward with them in the room." I go over and lay on the bed, "Aren't you going to join me?"

"Of course." He laughs.

He jumps on me and starts ripping my clothing off. "Man I love these." He flicks both of my nipple piercings to say exactly what it is that he loves about me.

"Oh my god do that again." I moan.

He happily repeats the flicking and I swear my eyes basically roll back in my head.

Man these things are the best. I know they seem slutty but honestly the best decision I've made. They make my breasts look better, and the pleasure that you get from them is incredible. I promise that it is worth the tiny bit of pain you feel for like 30 seconds after getting them done.

Granted I got them proving myself. Like Tanya said I bet you will never do something like that. My response was wanna bet and well I went out and got them done.

She did too of course. We thought that we were so bad ass getting them done. Granted now it was a pretty good decision back then it was a big deal to the both of us.

When people started finding out that we had them done I freaked. I mean that is so personal and now random people I barely know are aware that I have them.

Back to James. We end up not having sex because honestly while I was kinda turned on for a bit I quickly got out of that mood. Honestly all I wanted was a smoke that and another line. However I got the first one not the second.

Tanya and Laurent got back eventually and we gave them the same courtesy of having the room to themselves. We left and walked around. Contemplated going into the pool after hours but ultimately decided against it. Finally we decided we had wasted enough time, so we went back to find both Tanya and Laurent passed out.

We quickly followed suit.

 **There you guys go our Bella's first experience with something stronger than pot. Now I know this must come as a shock to most people. However for this story to play out the way that it needs to this really has to be apart of the story. I mean this is a big life event for this character and it is needed for everyone to understand just how hard saying no can be at times. Also I don't know if I've mentioned this but this story is all human. I am not pulling in any mythical creatures at any point and time.**

 **This story is all about the difficulties of peer pressure and honestly just getting through college. A big part of this will be about getting through college. Some of it is going to be happy and sappy other parts are going to be pretty dark but its honest and raw. I hope everyone who reads this can see that.**

 **So let me know what you guys think leave a review and I'll see you guys soon.**


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